mental roadblock

Big breath in..... aaaannnddd out.



Lately I feel like I've hit a roadblock. As bad as it sounds, it isn't all that bad. It's given me a chance to stop and assess everything that's going on in my life. It's also slowed things down a little but that's nice, too. Months have been flying by like weeks. I think this is a phenomenon that happens with all adults. I read an article on it once, and it's because when we're 5, a year is 1/5 of our life, but now, 1/5 of my life is 5 years. and one year is 1/25. so it seems like a shorter amount of time in relation to how long you've lived. I honestly don't want to see what it's like when I'm 50.

so, from this point forward I vow (to try) to be who I am, appreciate the little things, don't sweat the small stuff and learn from my (and others) mistakes. (i think i've got that one down, but it's pretty important)

I hope everyone is blessed today :)
Trina

Confidence to be cocky

I wish I was the person that other people see. I wish i really was a bubbly, happy, positive, confident, daring, brave, quick witted, even moderately beautiful. 'the whole package'.

I'm not. today I feel like a total fraud. the smallest things make me upset. make me feel worthless, alone, abandoned, ugly.

I'm not half the person you think I am. not even a quarter.

pathetic.

this is what's in my brain on a daily basis. there's so many more people that are 'better' than I am. I'm just a speck of shit on the shoe of someone better.

and then i'm told i'm to be 'indifferent' to 'stupid things' and that my feelings are 'irrational'.

I can't change it- it's just the way I feel.