Music is good for the soul

I've always been a bathroom pop star. I enjoy singing and could sing for hours straight. Just because I enjoy it, doesn't mean I'm good at it. cause I'm not.
My family has always been musical. My mom being in a country band when I was young-Singing and playing the bass; my eldest brother being in various bands-also singing, playing the guitar, banjo, and I seem to remember a fiddle being played by him a few times, my youngest brother is a rapper in BC, and my biological father is a drummer.
Until now, I've never played an instrument. (other than the forced trumpet in elementary school) a few weeks back I went to a friend of my Fiance's whose uncle owns a pawn shop and he hooked me up with a guitar, hard case and strap for $80. I had to buy new strings for the guitar, but those are cheap.
I was going to pay for a course online, but I've been learning just fine using Youtube. I enjoy it. It has healed a damaged soul.

Fools Rush in

Why are people so quick to get married these days? I received a call last night from a friend that I haven't talked to in a long time. D. D has always been a good Christian girl, (Yes, I said 'good' Christian) Hardly ever having a 'boyfriend'. now she's been 'talking' to this christian guy from a different church for 4 months, has met him a few times and he proposed to her! they're getting married in August next year.. WTFOMGBBQ?!

I'm a big believer in test driving a car before you buy it. I am a definite example of that. my partner and I have been together for 10 years, and have lived together for 4. I'm not saying to rush in to bed with someone, but FUCK! you get a serious idea of how someone REALLY behaves when you live with them.

Another thing! if you test drive a car, and it runs, but it stalls every time you go over 35, wouldn't you think there's a problem? WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU BUY THE CAR?!?
I have another friend, that's getting married, and she KNOWS her fiance has blatantly betrayed her for their entire relationship, all of a sudden he has decided he wants to get married. There has also been all of these signs and roadblocks for them in terms of the actual getting married part, but those who refuse to look, choose to be blinded.

On a brighter note, yesterday, Tim and I went shopping, and I bought a vat of my favorite perfume for CHEAP! ok, not a vat, but 1oz and a 'solid perfume' which kinda looks like lip gloss, but I'm afraid to use it. AND a pretty box for $35! Woot!

Titled/Untitled

I've learned to appreciate water more. Not waste it. On wednesday I was doing dishes and the seal around the tap broke. covered me in water and hit the stove. For the rest of Wednesday, and part of Thursday I didn't have water to ONE tap in the house. I didn't eralize how much I use that tap. for rinsing off dishes, washing pots, making juice, getting water to wipe off random things, when I burn myself... and countless other things.

I've always thought I was pretty mindful with my water consumption. Timed showers, I'll even turn off the shower if i'm doing something that doesn't require a lot of water..when I'm by myself, if it's yellow, let it mellow. even when I do dishes I turn off the tap some of the time.

do I really need to wash my dishes before I wash my dishes? no. worst case scenario I should fill up the sink with water and do them like that rather than let it run. I tend to do that a lot. Especially with pots, because I don't use the dishwasher for that.
that's my mission. Stop using so much damn water!

Nails are green today. I'm starting over NOT biting them. I failed.
It's Friday. why is it the week seems so much longer when Monday's a holiday?
xo
Trina

nothing and everything

This morning the sky looked like it was on fire. It was beautiful. That's one thing I like about waking up early. Another thing I like is getting off of work early. Really. that's it. Being here so early is making me crazy. I can't seem to get to sleep before 11:30, and waking up at 5 is SO hard. once I'm here I'm okay, but then when I get home, I have no energy to do anything. So therefore my house is a disaster most of the time.
I think I might switch to afternoons for a bit. just like 2 weeks.

hmm

I love..

Exploring new places
hanging out at heights I'm too scared to look down from
Kissing in public
when I'm right
when I get proven wrong and learn something from it
the smell outside after it rains (dirt and worms, Tim calls it)
encouraging children to misbehave by smiling at them
randomly breaking out into song
dancing
when I completely zone out in my craft room and go on a craft binge
street meat

:)

oopsie!

I conduct the Unit meetings for my area. it's been going pretty smoothly. there's one about every three months, just to update everyone on waht's going on this quater and what happened at the executive meetings. Anyway, I am booked off for tomorrow,(wednesday) and the the hall is booked for tomorrow, as well. However- in the newsletter, the date for the meetings is Monday. (yesterday) The last 2 meetings I've conducted, no one has shown up to the 4pm meeting. this time, i think that no one will show up to the first meeting, either!

Since the last time I posted, Tim and i have pretty much planned our wntire wedding. lol. down payments on; Aeolian Hall, the Almost Hip, the guy who's doing our invitations, we've talked to the caterer, also talked to the DJ, I have the fabric for the skirt of my dress, and Tim has a clear picture of what his costume wants to look like! WOO! we've also talked to the guy that we're going to rent smoke machines from. and also some other stuff that I can't remember right now.. (we have a spreadsheet on our refrigerator)

Tim an I celebrated our 10 year anniversary :) yay! we ordered chinese food and ate it :P and other stuff, too..

We went to Fan expo this past weekend, it was AWESOME! I had a great time nerding it up with the sweetest man in the world. I know, we're lame, but we're lame together :P

that's really it for now, maybe i'll post some pictures of Fan expo in a few days. they're on Tim's parent's camera, so we have to go to their house to retrieve them.

xo
T

Fireworks, anyone?

yaaaay! day 10! I know, it's lame. but it's a milestone! kind of. I did bite on day 6, so does that mean I have to go back 6 days? maybe when I reach a month, I'll go back the 6 days. It won't seem like as long then. As of right now, it's more than half of the time I've not bitten them. Tim said last night that he's gotten used to me having short nails. It's not the long nails I want. Okay, that's a total lie. I DO want long nails. Not disgustingly long, but long enough to look nice and be able to scratch Tim's back. but the thing I want most is to be able to break the habit. always having my hand in my mouth looks completely disgusting, and all the germs and bacteria that go with it? ew. I also love painting my nails. so that'll give me more space to doodle. lol.

I made some Kanzashi flower hair barrettes for Tim's friend's wife Madeleine. it was her birthday last week and last time she was at our house we were talking about girly accessories and how expensive they are. She mentioned that she was looking at some Kanzashi flower combs and they were like $20-$30. pffft. I'm crafty. a good chance for me to learn a new skill and do a friend a favour. in total they cost me about $1.30 each to make. a lot of time, but like I said, I learned a new skill, so I got something out of it. Fun!

Canada day is coming up next week. not sure if I'm going to go see fireworks or not. we'll see what Tim wants to do.

xoxoxo
T

day Nine

so on day 6 I bit the ring finger on my left hand, and also the thumb on my left hand. For no other reason than I wasn't doing anything else at that moment. Boredom. day 9 is nothing though. I've gone a month before, and I actually had a free edge! (like hanging over the edge of my finger) but I had acrylics on for the first 3 weeks. so it doesn't really count. I find myself bringing my hand up to my mouth a lot, and sometimes I bite the skin around my nail. I actually WANT to stop this time though. the other times I was like "meh, maybe I should stop.." but I want to have nice, natural nails for my wedding. I'm damned determined. hopefully I'll at least make it to my 10th anniversary. that's an easier goal. it's not to say that I CAN bite after that, but it'll be a good feeling of accomplishment if I make it there. it's in a little over a month, on July 27th. they say it takes a month to break a habit, so maybe by then I won't even have the urge! I have been doing it for AT LEAST 22 years.. it's likely going to take more than a month.
I will have nice nails. I will not bite them.

Day 5

NOW I'm starting to feel it. The urge. maybe it's just because I haven't had my coffee yet. just stopped brewing. mmmmm Coffee. I have been without coffee since Friday. I did have coffee yesterday, but it wasn't in the morning, so it didn't count. I don't usually blog on the weekend. I actually don't think I've ever blogged on the weekend. I'm feeling very bloggy though. Maybe just to distract myself.

It's a beautiful day today. like I said, I've been without coffee. so this morning, when Tim left for work, I took my bike and went to the grocery store to get some. took me a half hour. there and back. nice ride.

Yesterday Tim and I went to his parent's place because Tim's mom's cousin and aunt were there. I love Tim's family. they're awesome. so cute :) Auntie Eileen is 89 this week. I'm pretty sure she's the last surviving great aunt. I thought Tim was going to cry when she said that Millie (Tim's grandma who passed about 12 years ago) would be so proud of him. He was really close to his grandma.

it's a lovely Sunday. maybe I'll try to convince Tim to go for a walk after work.

<3
T

Day two..

The first few days of not nail biting is usually pretty easy. Just cause they're so short, I look at them and there's barely anything to bite. Also, when I do decide to stop biting my nails, it's usually after I've bitten them so hardcore that they hurt. A lot. So much so that it hurts to do anything. pick anything up, scratch, wash my hair- ANYTHING.
This time, I have a secret weapon. An emery board. Every time I get the urge to bite, I'll just use the emery board to file them down a little bit. I got Tim to take a picture of them yesterday. I think I'll do that every other day, and then on the off days I'll give myself a maincure. I've been using a product called 'stop n' grow on and off for the last two years. I have less than a quarter of the bottle left. hopefully if I put it on every day (sometimes twice a day) it'll last me for a couple more months.

I've been really stressed about money lately. Everything revolves around money, doesn't it? not really so much 'money' but more 'debt'. so essentially the 'lack of money'.
I bought a little laptop 2 weeks back. i love it. this is part of my money issue. I won't be able to afford something, so I'll just Visa it up, then I'll regret it. so because of this little laptop, I promised myself I'd put myself on a more strict budget. and I have. like if I get $600, I'll put $420 in the shared (where all the bills, mortgage, insurance come out of) $40 for transportation (I only 'need' $20, but in the winter I need 40 cause I buy a bus pass, so I just keep it there so it doesn't confuse me.) and $40 for 'allowance' lol. not bad, but not great. $100 to Visa (I used to only do $60) and the rest for a 'float' if I get less than $600, I adjust it accordingly. taking a little bit off of everything. i'm going to work it out in percentages so I have a reference

70% to shared
7% to transportation
6% allowance
15% to Visa
the rest for a float.
(lol 2% float)

thanks for reading <3
T

16 months to go..

I really have to stop biting my nails.. this is so disgusting. I'll write on here every couple of days, just to re- affirm my intention. maybe post weekly pictures. just because I don't really notice ANY growth AT ALL..except for when I grow them for a while and then bite them off. "oh, they WERE a lot longer".. lol

Tim said something interesting yesterday, as I was giving my mandatory luvins to the queen of my house.

"I wish you would talk to yourself as nicely as you talk to the cat"

and it's true.. everyone should.

Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror, and I think "I'm such a fatty" but why is it that my cat is apparently 'obese' (this is what people tell me, anyway.. compared to 'their' cats..) and I think she's the most beautiful cat in the history of cats.

so yeah. lol. just a couple of things to think about.

mental roadblock

Big breath in..... aaaannnddd out.



Lately I feel like I've hit a roadblock. As bad as it sounds, it isn't all that bad. It's given me a chance to stop and assess everything that's going on in my life. It's also slowed things down a little but that's nice, too. Months have been flying by like weeks. I think this is a phenomenon that happens with all adults. I read an article on it once, and it's because when we're 5, a year is 1/5 of our life, but now, 1/5 of my life is 5 years. and one year is 1/25. so it seems like a shorter amount of time in relation to how long you've lived. I honestly don't want to see what it's like when I'm 50.

so, from this point forward I vow (to try) to be who I am, appreciate the little things, don't sweat the small stuff and learn from my (and others) mistakes. (i think i've got that one down, but it's pretty important)

I hope everyone is blessed today :)
Trina

Confidence to be cocky

I wish I was the person that other people see. I wish i really was a bubbly, happy, positive, confident, daring, brave, quick witted, even moderately beautiful. 'the whole package'.

I'm not. today I feel like a total fraud. the smallest things make me upset. make me feel worthless, alone, abandoned, ugly.

I'm not half the person you think I am. not even a quarter.

pathetic.

this is what's in my brain on a daily basis. there's so many more people that are 'better' than I am. I'm just a speck of shit on the shoe of someone better.

and then i'm told i'm to be 'indifferent' to 'stupid things' and that my feelings are 'irrational'.

I can't change it- it's just the way I feel.

great...

so last night I didn't sleep so well. I kept waking up, looking at the clock, back to sleep. it was a pain in the ass. I kept getting the feeling I had slept in, too. Tim woke me up at about 3 to tell me he was sick. I went and got him another blanket. poor thing. hopefully he's not sick for the weekend.. Saturday is free comic book day and he'll be working all day. Sunday is my birthday. I'm actually getting a bit of a sore throat as I type this.. so I hope I'm not sick for the weekend, either. I'll do my best to stay hydrated and fed.

can i go home and sleep?
yes? k.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
T

engage-a-versary

yes. you read right. it's my engage-a-versary. 2nd, sctually :)

I don't really have anything more interesting to say than that.. I hurt my knee. I think I'm going to lay off it for a while. I'm still going to ride my bike though, that's pretty low-impact, I think.

xo
T

Tim and I sat down last night and thought about people that we'd like to invite. altogether we have 145. though, i have a lot of relatives that live across the country, so it's unlikely that they'll show up. hopefully my mom and siblings will show up. LOL really that's all I care about.

it smells like tar in my office. I have a headache..and i'm hungry.

hopefully i don't kill anyone.

90 minutes left.

a sick joke

So seriously. Someone is playing a sick joke on me. Is it REALLY April? April? Really? damn. my fiance turned 27 last Friday, and I turn 25 3 sundays from now. wow. it's April.

In other scary shit

I'm getting married. Yes. Me. married. MARRIED. I'm a little freaked about it actually. Exited, yes. Happy, yes- but also freaked. I don't know why though. It's not like I don't already know that Tim and I are going to be together forever, it's been almost 10 years. 10. Ten. In 4 months. less than 4 months. but married? that's like... you know what? Fuck it. It's so infrequent that you hear that someone's actually happy in their relationship. there's nothing scary about getting married. Except the debt (cue lightbulb over head) AHA! that's what it is! the fact that everything goes up 300% every time you mention the "W" word- but we're having a halloween party... heh. In all seriousness, I love my future husband. He's a really great man. smart, funny, absolutely adorable. Really. I can't wait to really call him my HUSBAND!

I'm sorry I'm repeating a lot of stuff. really. It's just the way I speak, so it's the way I write, too. a lot of stuff is pretty unbelieveable to me, and I'm the one it's happening to!
So the date is fast-approaching! it's in October, 2011. I can't decide on the 8th or the 15th I've been saying the 8th, but I like the 15th, too. Gives us another week. LOL

We're also going to be doing a lot of the stuff ourselves, the centre pieces, the favours, the invitations I'm not too sure who we're going to get to cater though...Tim wants the little Mexican place that's basically beside the hall, but I'm not sure who I want. Mexican is good I guess. I've eaten there once, on halloween, and it was really good. I had a burrito. lol. nice people, too.

we're going to sit down tomight after dinner and decide some stuff. get more exact dates and numbers. tim asked his mom to do a guest list, and she still hasn't. ANNOYING!! but i'm sure I'll get in to more interesting fights with her along the way. lol

xo
T